Thursday, Oct. 19, 2006

Dear Mary Ellen and the rest of the NJ Sharing Staff,

I want to thank you for having the Donor Family Recognition Program on Oct 8 and for all the hard work that you had put in it. When I had received the invitation I invited a few family members to go with me, including Brian’s two oldest children who are having a rough time of it. For different reasons they declined the invitation. To be quite honest I didn’t want to go either because I didn’t know if it would make things worse or not. At the same time I couldn’t stand the thought of not going.

The quilts were beautiful. It was amazing how young most of the donors were. All of them are heroes.

The letters that we had received from the recipients helped in a way. But not like that program. The song “Amazing Grace” was beautiful and so touching but the three most amazing things for me was first Jessica Melore’s story. I don’t know why, but I felt so close to her. (Maybe it’s because I have a 16 yr old granddaughter). Then there was the medal and certificate presentation with the recipients presenting them and the symbolism on the medal. Jessica presented me with Brian’s. I was for some unknown reason hoping it would be her.

Seeing those recipients alive and healthy and knowing that they would have been dead if it weren’t for organ donations made a difference for me.

Nothing could be done for Brian. No matter how I look at it I have to acknowledge that nothing could have been done for Brian. And in light of that he would still be dead because nothing could be done. Brian and all the other donors saved people who would have died without them. More people were saved than died. More families were spared the grief of losing their loved one than those of us who lost ours. As correct as that way of thinking is, it did not help the pain of losing Brian for the past year. The letters from the recipients told me that my thought process was correct but they really didn’t help my heart.

Your program did. The biggest thing was to be able to talk with Jessica and to touch her. I’m not a hugger but I found myself holding her for a few moments in my arms. I know that she did not receive anything from Brian but it didn’t matter. I was holding her and wanting with my entire being for her to stay healthy and happy. But at the same time I was holding Brian. It was like he and God were telling me it was okay. I still miss Brian and it still hurts but it’s okay, if that makes sense. Thank you for having the program and Thank you, Jessica.

Sincerely,

Sara Vincelli (Brian Schurter’s mom)

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